four

I have a confession to make.

I’m not an athlete.

I’m guessing that this statement will be followed by some scoffing or maybe some generic comforting statement, like oh, no, Meg, don’t say that! But…please.

I’m five feet tall. I have short arms and even shorter legs. I have literally no depth perception or hand-eye coordination. I will be the first to admit that I’m a little thick around the middle. I hate being outside if it’s anywhere above 80 degrees.

I mean, I’ve come to terms with this. I acknowledge the fact that I’m not fast or tough or strong. And yet I have this weird little voice in the back of my head that says I should try and do dumb athletic things .

Which sucks, because I have this really weird relationship with failure. I face it a lot, and yet I still haven’t found a way to swallow it.

Example: I throw discus. Which, again, is a dumb thing because I’m short and not fast or strong. I can hold my own, but I only get so far.

My goal this year was to qualify for MHALs – 70 feet. I've done it before, but the problem is that this year I fell into a funk. I couldn’t seem to break 69’10”, no matter what I did. The worst part was that my coaches sent me anyway and lied about my distance, so I could throw. I felt pity radiating off of them when they told me that – sad smiles and awkward pats on the shoulder, a small phrase of encouragement.

What’s worse – I went to the meet and hit 69’10”. Again.

I don’t really know what the moral of the story is. Maybe it’s that I should know what my abilities are and try not to overstretch myself. Maybe it’s that I need to work harder to reach my goals.

Either way, I can assure you that you will never, ever see me running a marathon or doing any other sport.

edit: if you want to learn how to throw discus, here's a link